


Wooing Wade Wilson

by QuirkyNeon (iforgetlikeanelephant)



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, M/M, Oblivious Wade Wilson, The Avengers Are Good Bros, UST, Wooing, accidental 5 + 1 fic, also it's mature for language, pining wade, sneaky Peter Parker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2019-01-18 11:13:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12386937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iforgetlikeanelephant/pseuds/QuirkyNeon
Summary: aka the one where Wade's targets keep getting gift wrapped by Spider-Man and Deadpool keeps being there to help rescue Peter Parker from weirdly chill villains of the week with various Avengers





	Wooing Wade Wilson

**Author's Note:**

> this came along because i thought 'oh man, there's so many fics about wade wooing peter but where's my fics about _peter_ wooing _wade_ ', told my friend that i was gonna try and write one, and then i did 
> 
>  
> 
> { _things written like this are Yellow Box speaking in Wade's head_ }

Wade stumbles less than gracefully through the window of the apartment that he knows his newest mark is living in. It’s an easy job, download files off of the guy’s computer and scare him a little, but what he finds in the apartment confuses him. Wade blinks under his mask and tilts his head, taking in the sight before him. His mark is…well,  _ gift wrapped?  _ “Hey buddy,” Wade says as he closes in, noticing a silver flash drive stuck to the webbing holding the guy to the computer chair, “I was supposed to scare you some but that looks like it’s probably already been done for me.”

 

{ _ Is Spidey doing our job for us, now? _ } Yellow Box asks as Wade takes in the scene in front of him.

 

There’s a scarf tied around the guy’s head and stuffed into his mouth and Wade uses the knife he keeps in his boot to slice it away. “Don’t kill me, man, I didn’t do  _ nothin _ ’,” he says as Wade pulls it away from his mouth.

 

“If I was gonna kill you you’d already be dead,” Wade says, smirking as he drops the tattered scarf to the ground, “But it looks like you pissed off a  _ giant _ spider before I got here, how’d you manage that?”

 

“Fuckin’  _ Spider-Man _ ,” he says, struggling against the webbing around him and Wade watches, amused, as he manages to get himself even more tightly bound, “Found him here when I got home, fuckin’ around on my computer so I told him to get the hell out and I ended up like  _ this _ .”

 

He’s still confused but it’s slowly being overtaken by amusement as he rolls the guy away from the desk, grabbing the flash drive from where it’s stuck to the webbing and shoving it into one of the USB ports, making sure the files that his client wants are on it. They are, all of them, and Wade is raising his eyebrows under his mask as he pulls the flash drive out of the slot and drops it into one of the pouches on his belt. “Well dude, my job has been made super easy tonight, so I’ll leave you with these parting words from my client:  _ you touch their shit again and next time won’t just be a home visit _ . Ta!” Wade goes from menacing to joyful in less than a second, bounding out of the window and grabbing onto the rope that he entered from, shimmying himself up to the roof of the building and looking around. 

 

“I see you got my gift,” Spider-Man says as he drops down in front of Wade as he’s wrapping up his rope and grappling hook. 

 

“I see you decided to do my job  _ for _ me,” Wade corrects, patting the pouch the flash drive is tucked into as he finishes his wrapping, “I appreciate the help, baby boy, but I didn’t really need it.”

 

The lenses on Spider-Man’s mask go a little haywire and Wade sucks on his cheek as he realizes that Spider-Man seems to be…making himself smaller? It’s weird, Spider-Man isn’t big to  _ begin _ with, all lithe muscle and snarky comebacks so he doesn’t really  _ need _ to make himself smaller. “Did you not like it?” He asks and he sounds wounded? But that  _ can’t _ be right. 

 

Wade tosses his rope and grappling hook down to the roof and he follows it, sitting cross legged and patting the roof in front of him. Spider-Man sits hesitantly in front of him and Wade teases, “I’ll love  _ anything _ you give me, Spidey, but maybe save the gift wrapping for jobs that might actually be hard, huh?”

 

“Right, yeah, sorry,” Spider-Man says, rubbing at the back of his neck and sounding more like the Spidey that Wade’s used to, “I guess I got a little carried away.”

 

—————

 

Wade didn’t realize that this was a  _ rescue mission _ . “Ay, asshole! I didn’t realize this was a  _ rescue mission _ ,” he yells across the warehouse at Flying Tin Can over there as he dodges the blow directed at him by the…thing in front of him. He slices it clean in half with his katanas as he moves past it. 

 

{ _ And the crowd goes wild! _ } 

 

“If I had told you it was would you have shown up?” Tony Stark’s voice is always  _ weird _ through the Iron Man suit, it sets Wade’s teeth on edge and he’s happy to stab the thing in front of him in the chest.

 

{ _ Not a chance _ .}

 

“Probably not,” Wade admits, “Because I was promised a slice and dice mission.”

 

“Are you not slicing and dicing?” Hawkeye’s voice is loud and Wade lets out a cheer when he spots the archer across the warehouse.

 

“Barton! My number two!” Wade says as he slices yet another of the things in half and, “What the hell are these things, anyway?”

 

“Who,” Stark corrects as he flies past, shooting a laser out of his hand and yeah, that’s another thing that Wade doesn’t like about Flying Tin Can, cool hand lasers. “They’re clones that someone was trying to make of…well, we’re not sure of who, but it’s a rescue mission because apparently they picked the wrong innocent bystander to kidnap to use as the finishing touches,” he continues, explaining a bit more as Wade slices the head off of the one trying to sneak up on Stark. 

 

{ _ Clones? D’you think we could clone Spidey and then have a threesome with two Spideys? _ } 

 

Wade snorts out a laugh as he spins on the spot, checking that there’s no more clone things sneaking around. “The two best Avengers and Stark, who is it, the fuckin’  _ President _ ?” He asks as he slides his katanas back in their sheaths. 

 

“You’re not an Avenger,” Stark says in response and Wade rolls his eyes, flipping him the bird as he stalks toward the man tied up to a column in the center of the room. 

 

Or  _ boy _ , Wade mentally corrects as he crouches in front of the body because they’re  _ tiny _ . “Hey, kid, you alive?” He asks, poking the shoulder and earning a groan.

 

“‘m not a  _ kid _ , asshole, I’m twenty-one,” the guy slurs as he looks up and Wade is immediately infatuated. He’s  _ beautiful _ , the guy’s got eyes people write  _ sonnets _ about and a jaw that could cut  _ glass _ and Wade would definitely cheat on Spider-Man with this guy. 

 

If he was  _ with Spider-Man.  _

 

He’d get with Spider-Man  _ just _ to cheat on him with this guy. 

 

“Alright, barely legal,” Wade corrects as Stark and Clint settle on either side of him, Stark only flinching a  _ little _ as he pulls the knife from his boot and cuts the ropes off of the guy, and that’s an improvement from the active disarming he got the  _ last _ time he pulled his knife out in front of Stark. “What’s your name, cutie?” He asks as he shoves his blade back into its boot holster.

 

“Please don’t hit on the victim,” Stark groans and Wade flips him off again because he’s messing with his  _ flow _ . 

 

“Peter, Peter Parker,” the guy,  _ Peter _ , answers as he blinks and focuses on Wade, “ _ Deadpool _ ?” The kid doesn’t sound surprised and actually, Wade thinks he detects a bit of  _ happiness _ ? Weird. 

 

{ _ Peter Piper picked a pack of pickled peppers _ }

 

“The one and only!” Wade crows, framing his face with his hands as he tilts his head, “I assume you’ve heard nothing but bad things about me?”

 

Peter laughs and then groans, wrapping his hands around his stomach. “Yeah, you could say that,” he says, his voice sounding tight and Wade sucks his teeth, watching the look of pain wash over the cute guy’s face. 

 

“I think we can take this from here, Deadpool,” Tin Can says to him and Wade rolls his eyes, standing up and dropping a curtsey in his direction. 

 

“Aye, Tin Man,” he says, holding out a fist and shimmying his shoulders when Clint bumps him, “Take care of the cutie, would ya? I’d like to see his face in my—” 

 

{ _ Not cool, dude. _ }

 

Tin Can Man is rude as  _ fuck _ , grabbing an arrow from Clint’s back and throwing it at his teleporter belt  _ perfectly,  _ sending him somewhere that’s not anywhere  _ near _ Cute Peter. 

 

What a goddamn  _ drag _ . 

 

——————

 

This time when Wade stumbles into his mark being gift wrapped he’s not  _ as _ surprised. Still  _ surprised _ , but at least this time it doesn’t trip him up. He takes it in stride, unsheathing his katanas and pointing them at the mark as he circles her slowly. “Fuck you and fuck  _ Spider-Man _ ,” she spits at him as he stops in front of her and ew, no. 

 

“Don’t spit, it’s  _ rude _ ,” Wade says, poking her leg with one of the katanas gently, but still hard enough to draw some blood, “I’m sure you know why I’m here.”

 

“Because you’re a  _ cunt _ ,” she snaps and wow, chill, lady.

 

{ _ Look who’s talking! _ }

 

Wade rolls his eyes as he says, “Oh, I’m  _ wounded _ .” She kicks out at him and barely misses which is enough to set Wade’s teeth on edge. “You’ve made some  _ very _ powerful people  _ very _ angry,” he says, shaking his head, “It’s always so disappointing, when they go so wrong so young.”

 

“Oh  _ fuck _ you,” she snaps, wiggling in the webbing and making Wade cackle when she tips over. 

 

“Sweetie, I appreciate the offer but I’m trying to do my job here,” he says after he’s done laughing, kicking at her feet enough that he spins her so that he can look her in the face. “Now, you darling ray of sunshine, I’m here to tell you to  _ stop _ selling your shitty drugs to the wrong people. They’re not even high quality shit, so where do you get off charging that much? I digress, the  _ point _ is that you need to take your business elsewhere, preferably out of the city if you know what’s good for you,” he’s crouched down to better look her in the eye and so it’s not a surprise when she tries to spit at him again. 

 

{ _ Ugh, nasty _ } 

 

“Again, eww,” Wade says as he stands up, kicking at her feet until she’s spinning in a slow circle on the ground. “Next time you won’t be getting out of here in one piece, I can promise you,” he tries to sound menacing but honestly, he hates that cheesy one-liner bullshit. His client was specific though, threaten, but not  _ too _ much, and to Wade that reads as  _ movie villain one-liners _ . 

 

“ _ Fucker _ ,” she hisses and Wade gives up, shrugging and walking out of the front door, the same one he entered from, without a backward glance. 

 

Wade goes to the nearest, and best, Mexican food place and orders three chimichangas and a taco, hefting himself and the bag onto the roof of his apartment building as he waits, sitting on the edge with his feet dangling over the street. “Was this one better?” He hears Spider-Man ask from behind him and he grins as he tugs the bottom of his mask up, looking over his shoulder. 

 

“She was wiggly, glad you wrapped her up so neat for me,” Wade says as he wiggles the bag of food toward Spider-Man. “Chimi and a taco for your troubles,” he explains as Spider-Man hops up onto the ledge with him, his feet flat against the side of the building as he settles next to Wade. 

 

“Ohh,” Spider-Man says as he lifts the bottom of his mask as well, “From the good place!”

 

“All my places are  _ good places _ ,” Wade is slightly offended that Spider-Man thinks he’d give him bottom shelf chimichangas. Well, he  _ would _ be offended if the sight of Spider-Man’s mouth didn’t immediately make his dick twitch.

 

{ _ Down boy _ } 

 

“Ya know, this keeps up I’m gonna have to start giving you a cut of my earnings,” Wade says around a mouthful of food, watching as Spider-Man bites into his own chimichanga. The other masked man moans slightly and yep,  _ that’s _ why Wade goes to that place, it always makes Spider-Man make that noise which fuels at least a few nights of self-made messy orgasms. 

 

“I don’t want your blood money,” Spidey says around his own mouthful of food and that’s enough for Wade to snort out a laugh.

 

“You know for a fact that it’s not blood money anymore,” he’s  _ proud _ of himself for having gotten (mostly) out of the murdering for money business. 

 

Spider-Man points his chimichanga at Wade and he leans forward, taking a bite before he can stop him. “Gross,” Spider-Man says even as he grins, pulling his chimichanga back, “And I don’t know what you get up to after I web them up for you.”

 

“Yeah, because I’m dumb enough to kill someone that’s covered in Spider-Man’s web,” Wade might not be a  _ genius _ but he’s also not an  _ idiot _ . 

 

“Point,” Spidey says as he polishes off his chimichanga, his now empty hand going back into the bag and pulling out the taco. 

 

“It’s pork,” Wade offers as he starts in on his second chimichanga.

 

Spider-Man looks at him and Wade’s sure that if he could see his eyes they’d be sizing him up. “You remembered?” He sounds unsure, like Wade didn’t  _ just _ tell him that it was a pork taco. 

 

{ _ Yeah, you love sick fool, of course you remembered his preferred taco meat _ }

 

“Duh,” Wade rolls his own eyes, “You know that I pay attention to  _ everything _ you say, Spidey.”

 

Spider-Man actually smiles at him and he’s pretty sure that he’s dying. “ _ Maybe _ not everything,” he says and that doesn’t make sense but, as he starts in on his taco, Wade’s pretty sure that’s all he’s getting out of him

 

——————

 

“We have  _ got _ to stop meeting like this,” Wade says loudly to Peter Parker,  _ Pretty Peter Parker _ , as he slashes at the monster du jour. At least this one isn’t human shaped.  

 

“Eyes on the prize, Wilson,” Captain America says and  _ how _ does this guy, Peter Parker, deserve to have the top Avengers always rescue him. Is he a mad scientist or a mutant or something? 

 

{ _ Maybe he’s Captain America and Tony Stark’s secret love child that was gone for a while but is back, and now the bad guys are trying to use him as leverage _ }

 

Or that, Wade thinks back as he kicks at the smaller of the two amoeba shaped things that are floating toward him, slicing the larger one cleanly in half with his katana. Wade looks back at where Peter is sitting precariously on a ledge, looking not nearly as scared as someone that’s sitting high above a vat of... _ something _ should. “Believe me, Cap, my eye is  _ firmly _ on the prize,” he definitely winks at Peter even though he knows the other man can’t see him. 

 

“The prize is making sure no one gets eaten by these blobs,” Black Widow says as she flips by, “Not how fast you can get your dick into the damsel in distress.”

 

“I’m not a damsel!” Peter yells and Wade notices that he doesn’t say anything about the dick part of that sentence. He raises his eyebrows, or where they  _ would _ be, and hits the button on his teleportation belt, sending himself up to where Peter is, right behind him actually. 

 

Wade leans against the handrail of the walkway that Peter is sitting on and, “So, what about my dick, then?” 

 

Peter jumps and turns to look at him quickly, “What the  _ fuck _ ? How did you get up here that fast?”

 

“Wilson! Blobs not dicks!” Black Widow yells, throwing a knife up at him and screaming wordlessly when he just catches it, twirling it between his fingers as he looks down at Peter, ignoring the Avengers doing their thing down below. 

 

{ _ Yeah, because this is a good way to secure an invite to the Avengers, try and get laid while you’re supposed to be on a rescue mission _ } 

 

“Pretty Peter, I have tricks up my sleeves,” Wade says easily.

 

“He’d probably be more down to give you his dick if you’d kill these blobs!” Falcon yells as he swoops by and Peter’s cheeks flush an interesting shade of red. 

 

Peter glances down and then back up at him and it’s like he’s a different person, or at least a less shy person because the look on his face is definitely not PG rated. He licks his lips and Wade is pretty sure he’s gonna pass out with how fast his blood rushes south. “Save the day and maybe you’ll find out,” the words are barely out of his mouth before Wade is teleporting back downstairs, landing right between the two largest blobs and slicing them both in half, top to bottom. 

 

“I’m doing this for you, baby boy!” Wade yells as he points up at Peter with his katanas before he gets back to slicing and dicing. Peter laughs, loudly, and Wade feels himself grinning as he gets to work. 

 

{ _ Peter is definitely not worth being covered in this slime—Spider-Man  _ **_maybe_ ** _ but this guy we don’t even know beyond his face? Definitely not. _ }

 

He’s covered in the weird blue slime that came from killing whatever the things were, but he’s definitely been covered in worse so he’s still pretty comfortable leering at Peter as Falcon flies him down from the ledge he was on. “Thanks, guys,” Peter says to everyone even as he looks only at Wade. 

 

Wade, who is definitely preening. “Why do you keep getting kidnapped anyway? Are you some big wig?” He asks because he should probably know if he’s trying to bone like, a millionaire or something. Though Peter looks  _ nothing _ like he’d imagine a twenty-one year old millionaire to look. 

 

“I work for the Daily Bugle, I take pictures of Spider-Man. Which apparently, in some people’s minds, translates to ‘I’m best friends with Spider-Man and kidnapping me will definitely bring him out of the woodwork’,” Peter sounds amused as he answers which is big of him, if Wade kept getting kidnapped because people thought he was working with Spider-Man he’d probably be much less chill about the whole thing. 

 

“Shame that it didn’t, then I could look at your face  _ and _ Spider-Man’s ass in his spandex all at the same time,” Wade says and the sound that comes from Captain America is so amazing that he kind of wants him to make it again. “Lighten up, Cap, this ain’t the forties no more, we’re a generation of free lovin’ ass lovers,” Wade says as he reaches over, clapping Captain America on the shoulder and sending Falcon and Black Widow into peals of laughter. 

 

The look on Captain America’s face is glorious, and Wade thinks he’s gotten the upper hand until he says, “Son, I was doing queer shit before your  _ parents  _ were even alive.” 

 

{ _ I knew it! I knew Cap was queer as fuck! You owe me thirty bucks! _ }

 

Wade feels his jaw drop and he looks at Captain America again, in a new light. “Respect,” he says, nodding as he drops his hand from Cap’s shoulder. He looks back at Peter, “Now, how about you and I do some queer shit that makes your parents  _ wish _ they weren’t born.”

 

Peter blinks at him, “Well, my parents are  _ dead _ but—”

 

“Oh no you don’t, Mister Parker,” Black Widow says as she grips his bicep tightly, “You’re coming back with us so that you and Spider-Man can have  _ words _ . Mostly being  _ stay away from Deadpool _ .”

 

“I am offended, Natalia,” Wade says, clutching at his heart, “I thought you loved me!”

 

The looks she gives him is unamused. “From a  _ distance _ , like  _ everyone  _ should _ ,”  _ she’s looking at Peter as she says  _ everyone _ and Wade wonders what  _ that’s _ about. 

 

“Well  _ fine _ ,” Wade huffs out. He looks at Peter and bows, hand on his stomach and everything, as he says, “I shall see you at your next rescuing, baby boy, dream of me fondly.” He teleports out of there before he can beg to be taken with the Avengers because it’s been nearly a week and he hasn’t seen Spidey and he  _ misses _ him. 

 

{ _ Try to be less disgusting, please _ .}

 

Not likely.

 

——————

 

This time when Wade enters the apartment that his client told him to go to he  _ interrupts _ Spider-Man gift wrapping his mark and it feels suspiciously like walking in on your parents making a two humped camel. 

 

Doing the horizontal hustle. 

 

Doing the do, if you will.

 

Fucking. 

 

It feels like walking in on your parents fucking. 

 

{ _ Yeah, because everyone needs that visual, buddy _ }

 

Wade actually covers his eyes when he sees Spider-Man mid-webbing. “Sorry, I seem to be interrupting something,” he says from the doorway and he actually hears Spider-Man curse which is exciting. He didn’t know Spider-Man  _ knew _ curse words. 

 

“Deadpool, you can look,” Spider-Man says and Wade’s pretty sure he’s not heard that amused tone in a  _ while _ . At  _ least _ since that time he found Wade in the middle of a pile of puppies in the local pet store. 

 

“I missed you!” Wade says seriously as he lets his hand drop to his side, ignoring his mark for the moment, “I also met your friend, Peter,  _ Pretty  _ Peter, did you know he keeps getting kidnapped because of you? I hope you’re making it up to him.” It’s again time for Wade to wiggle his nonexistent eyebrows under his mask because that’s definitely a twosome that he’d like to watch get down to business, Pretty Peter and Spidey who...well, Wade doesn’t actually know  _ what _ Spidey looks like but he can only assume he’s pretty too considering his  _ mouth _ is pretty. 

 

{ _ God, what if he’s a butter-face! Imagine! Spider-Man is hot as shit until he takes his mask off and them bam, ugly as fuck _ } 

 

Not likely! Spider-Man has got to be gorgeous, look at that  _ body _ , and he’s got a bomb as fuck personality too. “Please tell me you didn’t just imply that I should be sleeping with Peter the photographer,” Spider-Man sounds long suffering as he says this and Wade snorts out a laugh, stepping up next to his mark and poking him lightly. He’s definitely been knocked out. 

 

Wade points at Spider-Man as he says, “Oh darling, I’m not  _ implying _ anything, I’m saying flat out that you and Pretty Peter should  _ absolutely _ fuck.”

 

Spider-Man shakes his head and laughs, rubbing the back of his neck in a move that Wade’s definitely seen him make before. “He and I are both uh,  _ interested  _ in other people, so it wouldn’t work anyway,” he’s not looking at Wade as he speaks and that’s kind of weird, but definitely not the weirdest thing to happen this week. 

 

“Well, lucky ladies then,” Wade says easily as he frowns, kicking at his mark. He really needs to talk to this guy, the client was specific in what he wanted said to him. Huh, he looks around for a piece of paper and a pen, maybe a strongly worded letter would work. 

 

“Not ladies,” Spider-Man says and Wade nearly drops to the floor because  _ what _ ?

 

{ _ Plot twist! _ } 

 

“ _ What _ ?” Wade can’t keep the shrill tone out of his voice. He feels his eyes widen as he turns to look at Spider-Man, “I mean, I figured  _ he _ was at least kind of into the dude side of things because he didn’t actually say  _ no _ when I propositioned him, but  _ you _ ?”

 

“Yes  _ me _ ,” Spider-Man definitely sounds defensive as he continues, “Superheroes can be gay. Or kind of gay. I’m only slightly gay, I’m bi, but  _ still _ , gay superheroes are a  _ thing _ .” 

 

Hell yeah they are,  _ my thing _ , Wade doesn’t say. Instead, what he  _ does  _ say is, “Apparently Captain America has been doing queer things since before our parents were born.” Which is the  _ least pressing  _ thing he can think to say. 

 

“Well,” Spider-Man pauses weirdly, “My parents are  _ dead _ but—”

 

The mark groans and Spider-Man falls silent and that phrase tickles in the back of Wade’s mind because it rings familiar. Wade watches as Spider-Man’s shoulders tense up and he tersely nods, heading for the window. “Leaving already?” Wade asks as the mark groans again, his eyes tracking Spider-Man’s movements. 

 

“I’ll leave you to do your thing,” he says as he jumps onto the window ledge. He turns and looks over his shoulder at Wade as he adds, “Oh, happy birthday.” He’s gone in an instant, webbing himself out of the apartment as Wade stares at him, gears turning. 

 

{ _ Oh fuck _ }

 

It dawns on Wade as soon as Spider-Man is out of sight where he heard that phrase. “ _ Peter _ ,” he breathes out as the mark finally wakes up, kicking his legs and trying to wiggle out of the webbing, like they always do.

 

They never learn.

 

————————

 

Peter’s jig is up, or should he say  _ Spider-Man’s _ jig is up. Wade still isn’t sure how he should refer to the man as he lets himself be carried toward the small park where Peter’s being held this time. 

 

“You know, I’m not entirely sure that he’s not  _ purposely  _ getting himself kidnapped,” Wade says to Falcon, the guy carrying him.

 

“Glad you’ve finally figured  _ that  _ one out,” is the response he gets and  _ hey _ , how was he supposed to figure this out sooner, huh?

 

{ _ It does make sense, now that we know, it’s impossible  _ **_not_ ** _ to know _ } 

 

“No need to be so rude,” Wade says as Falcon drops him. He rolls to a stop a handful of feet away from the animated statues that are this week’s Thing to Beat, and catches sight of Peter who is sitting on top of an out of order water fountain. 

 

Peter waves at Wade and he narrows his eyes as he looks at the breadth of his shoulders, comparing him to the body of Spider-Man that he has  _ memorized  _ and damn, yeah, Wade was kind of oblivious. Wade isn’t sure he’ll be able to do much against statues, “I’m not sure I can do much against statues considering I don’t want to  _ punch cement _ .”

 

“Go, take Peter on a fuck  _ date _ so that we can stop having to rescue him from  _ creatures of his own creation _ ,” Iron Man snaps at him as he flies past and that’s probably the smartest thing Tony Stark has ever said to him. 

 

Wade dodges the statues and steps into the dry water fountain, looking up at Peter. “Spider-Peter, have you been  _ wooing me _ ?” He asks because he wants to make sure he’s not misreading the situation. 

 

He hears Black Widow say, “Jesus  _ Christ _ ,” behind him, and then something in Russian that makes Bucky Barnes laugh and damn, he  _ must _ be ridiculous if the one armed wonder boy is laughing at him. 

 

{ _...I just realized that Bucky Barnes is probably who Cap was being queer with in the forties _ } 

 

And isn’t  _ that  _ a nice thing to picture, he thinks as he does so. “Only for the past  _ year _ ,” Peter says and wow wait,  _ what _ ?

 

“What?” Wade asks because this whole Spidey webbing up his marks and Peter needing to be rescued has only been going on for...a few months? At  _ most  _ six. 

 

The look Peter gives him is enough to make him feel chastised. “Exactly, you  _ weren’t getting it _ so I had to use more...obvious measures,” he says as he jumps down from the top of the fountain, landing lightly on his feet in front of Wade. “Do you think I just...sneak into my  _ friend’s _ apartments and make them dinner? Breakfast? Did you think I was just being  _ nice _ ?”

 

“Well  _ yeah _ ,” Wade says, because he  _ did _ , he didn’t think there was any chance that Spider-Man would ever be interested in him, “You’re too good for me, I thought you were just...being friendly, knew I was bad at remembering to eat and making sure I did, that sort of thing.”

 

“ _ Wade _ ,” Peter shakes his head and reaches out, grabbing Wade by the straps of his katana holster, pulling him close, “I was wooing you, this whole time, and you never looked at me as anything other than a  _ friend _ .”

 

Now it’s  _ Wade’s _ turn for disbelief because, “Oh no you don’t, I’ve been trying to get into your spandex suit since the first time we  _ met _ , are you serious?”

 

“This is cute,  _ really _ ,” Falcon says as he hovers above them, “But get the hell out of this park so that we can take care of these statues.”

 

Wade grabs Peter and uses his teleporter belt to get them into his apartment, giving the other man a few moments to reorient himself before he continues. “I’ve been wooing you for  _ years _ ,” he says, “I remember your taco order! I can barely remember my own  _ name _ sometimes but I remember that you like pork over beef and that you’d rather have double guac than sour cream and—”

 

He was so into talking that he missed the whole moment where Peter got into his space and pushed his mask up enough to kiss him until it’s  _ happening _  Wade’s hands definitely spasm by his side for a moment before he’s grabbing Peter, dipping him and kissing back. “You’re an idiot,” Peter says as he breaks the kiss, his hands framing Wade’s face.

 

“I am,” Wade agrees, ducking to kiss him again because he  _ can _ . Peter laughs into the kiss and his hands move from framing Wade’s face to curling behind his neck and Wade takes that change as his cue to straighten them up, lifting Peter and making a dumb noise when Peter wraps his legs around his waist. 

 

“You’re going to fuck me,” Peter says into the kiss, just as matter of fact as he had called Wade an idiot and it takes Wade a moment to comprehend what he’s just been told. 

 

Wade doesn’t drop Peter but only because he’s not  _ actually _ an idiot. “Hell  _ yeah _ I am,” he says as he walks them toward his bedroom, earning a laugh and then a moan from Peter as Wade latches onto his neck, his teeth dragging against Peter’s skin. 

 

{ _ Well at least we know  _ **_why_ ** _ Peter and Spidey weren’t sleeping together _ }

 

True, but Wade is  _ definitely  _ about to sleep with  _ both _ of them. 


End file.
